I didn't get a post up for yesterday, but I promise I have a really good excuse for almost everything right now:) If you read A Serene Life, you'll see this same post over there today. But it's pretty important, so I thought I'd have it up in two places.
The Saturday that Women of Faith ended, I came home and was an emotional wreck. I thought of about 10 reasons to throw myself a pity-party and chose to "celebrate" each and every reason. I missed the speakers, felt sad about this, hurt about that.... yada, yada, yada. The last and only time I felt such turmoil for no reason was when I had the baby blues after Jude came home from the hospital. I cried myself to sleep for three weeks straight always telling Jared, "I don't know why I am crying." But I did know I was on a hormonal roller-coaster ride and that crying was the norm.
That Saturday, it wasn't normal. With a 14-month-old, I was definitely NOT still going through the baby blues. For the next several days I was all over the board. Shedding uncontrollable tears because I was "swamped" by my to-do list, getting extremely angry at Jared for being too "slow", bawling my head off because a craft project wasn't going my way even causing me to look at my cat, look at the rubber mallet in my hand, and look back at my cat again in anger. No, I would never actually hurt my cat, but I was over-the-top emotional.
Everything the speakers talked about at Women of Faith, I was becoming: depressed, angry, anxious... etc. I felt like I was going crazy. As a last glimmer of hope, to try and prove to myself that I may still be normal, I decided to take a pregnancy test.
Because being pregnant is a lot better of an option than being schizophrenic.
I did my business, not even really looking at the test because I knew it would be negative. I threw the box in the trash... picked up the test and the blood rushed out of my extremities: there were two lines. The two that confirm that you are indeed, pregnant.
I couldn't even believe it. I was excited and shocked all at the same time. Shocked, mainly, that there was a little body living within me that I had no clue existed. Funny how we think we know everything about our lives when we know nothing.
And that's when everything changed. It went from being an emotionally-wrought day to me feeling high as a kite. It was the best reason I could ever think of to cry over a headboard and a bowl full of nail heads that wouldn't hammer straight.
I spent the afternoon scheming up a plan to surprise Jared. I never get the chance to surprise him and knew he would NEVER see it coming. I still giggle thinking about it. I decided to get Jude a "Big Bro" shirt from Kohl's and asked Jer if we could go out to dinner because I "just needed to get out of the house". We met at his work and he had no idea. Here's how it all went down:
We had no clue when the baby was due or anything. Being that I just stopped nursing a few months prior, everything was still a little wonky in the girl department. I kept telling people how it can be hard to get pregnant because with Judah it took us longer than we thought it would. This time, I wasn't paying attention to anything and it happened so easily. You'd think we were 9 year-olds without any clue of how a baby is made.
So, we're over the moon. It's so fun to be surprised. We didn't have to wait anxiously every month hoping the test would be positive and it still worked out so that our kids would be about two years apart (22 months) like we'd hoped for. I can just imagine God smiling down at us knowing He really "got" us :)
I'm 10 weeks, we're due January 18th, 2012 and are so excited for a little brother or sister for Judah!