celebrating motherhood

19 reasons why i love being a mom....

why 19? a reason for every month i have been privileged to have "mom" as my title. one of many, i suppose.
i have been feeling especially nostalgic lately (my last post was evidence of this) and as mother's day creeps up on us, i'd like to reflect on the beauty of my experiences being peyton's mama.

1. from poppy seed to watermelon, my sweet girl grew in my belly and i anxiously waited her arrival. i still remember those first kicks and never thought hiccups could be more beautiful. i had an amazingly awesome pregnancy....no morning sickness, no heartburn, no complications. pregnancy was good to me. i will hopefully share my birth story someday, as it was just as beautiful. 

2. the first time i held her. the emotional rush is indescribable, that no one else understands, unless, they too, are a mother.

3. the moment i witnessed the first time she smiled at her daddy. my heart doubled in size. we were standing in the pasta aisle in Fareway and he was a few feet ahead of me with her in her car seat. i will never forget the look on his face (he didn't know i was watching) and it felt like time stood still. i may not have had a camera, but that moment will be locked away in my memory bank forever.

4. nursing my little love for the first year of her life. all those late night, early morning feedings seemed daunting at times, not gonna lie, BUT, i would never give back those moments i had to cuddle and bond with her. she needed me in a way that she will never need me again and i will forever cherish that first year. breastfeeding was one of the hardest parts about becoming a new mom, but ended up being one of the best parts.

5. first time she rolled over. i cried. it was the first of so many milestones and it hit me all at once.

6. peyton has changed the entire dynamic of our families and it's a beautiful thing. there are baby gates and high chairs in our parent's kitchens and toys under their christmas trees. they no longer come to visit their children anymore....it's all about the grandbaby! her grandparents have been ga ga over her since day one.
brandon and i are not just a couple anymore, we're a family. and we have peyton jane to thank for that.

7. daddy day camp. peyton started to participate in calisthenics at a very young age:) brandon would hold her downward and she would do a "sit up"  using her own strength back towards his face. he was so proud. later in her life, before she could stand on her own, he would prop her up against a wall, so she could "practice" standing. and we can't forget the "walking drills" that happened in the hallway of our old house. she would walk by herself from me to him and he would jump up and down like the vikings won the super bowl:)

8. wet, open mouthed baby kisses. you can't beat 'em.

9. celebrating one year with her. i had so much fun planning and executing her birthday party. digging into her cake would be have to be the highlight of the day!

10. hearing the words "ma ma" and knowing that there is meaning behind them. she understands that saying "mama" will get a reaction from me. she gets it.

11. the animal noises that she knows and proud states when asked. her favorites: sheep, lion, owl and snake.

12. seeing the relationship that she has with her daddy. i love who he is as a father. i find joy in watching him tickle her, teach her and love on her. for a long time, he was the only one she would go to sleep for and i think he secretly liked being the only person who could put her to bed. he sings to her every night and i can't get enough.

13. seeing a personality develop in her from day one. she has always been a busy baby. as an infant, she would sit in her bouncy seat for 10 minutes, before she was ready for a change of environment. today, she can't sit still. she goes from one toy to another and rarely sits for long periods of time.

14. the moment we found out she was a girl. it was at my 20 week appointment. brandon had arranged ahead of time to send either pink or blue flowers to the grandmas. he was genius:)

15. the way she smiles at strangers, waves and says "hi" in her cute, little peyton voice. she got her daddy's people skills!

16. her love of nature. sticks, rocks and dirt have become her favorite activities when outside. sometimes she even samples the dirt....why not??

17. the things that make her "peyton". her Caillou dance (it's on video...just gotta get it uploaded!), when she asks for "num nums" and her way of saying "sorry" by gently rubbing the side of your cheek.  there are no words.....

18. the million of finger and hand prints on the windows (and TV). i never want to wash them away. think i can use that as my excuse??:)

19. how gentle she is with her baby dolls. she lays them down and pats their backs and rocks them in her arms. my heart grows, because i know she's seen this somewhere. i love being able to teach her in different ways and i love watching her learn even more.

this list could on for days. i could list a reason every second of the day. you moms get it, right? we love our kids. we would do anything for our kids. our kids are our reason for breathing. i don't know about you, but i celebrate mother's day every day. i couldn't have been given a better job.i thank God every day for giving me my reason for being a mom.

Real Beauty

Tuesday morning at MOPS we had an author, Lisa Cavanah, come in and talk to our group.  She is from the area and after having a little girl of her own, was inspired to write books for 6-10 years old on how to make good choices during difficult decisions and what truly makes someone beautiful.

She found there were resources out there for tweens and teenagers but younger girls were overlooked.  It's not uncommon for kids to be made fun of for what they are wearing or how they look as early as kindergarten now. I have a 7 year old little sister and have noticed this to be true.  I wasn't sure if some of the things she learns are from a bad set of friends or what, but after talking with moms at MOPS, I realized this is how things are everywhere these days.

Anyway, Lisa believes you should practice displaying good character just like you practice anything else you want to be good at.  So, she created a series of books that gives a girl the opportunity to read about girls her age and work through the decisions she is making right along with her. They are great for kids to read with an adult and discuss.

One of the books is about a girl who has to decide between a sleepover of her best friend or the biggest party of the year thrown by the popular girl at school.  The other book is about a girl who decides she wants to be popular so she starts hiking up her shirt to show her midriff and wearing makeup to school (at a very young age).

Needless to say, as soon as we had a free minute, I ran over and snatched the books so I could give them to my little sister.  I am looking forward to reading them with her.  The whole morning really opened my eyes to how different things are from even when I was little.  I don't remember being made fun of or worrying about what I looked like until 6th grade.  I seriously think Shelby felt the pressure to worry about this sort of thing by age 4.  Everything around girls today tells them they aren't good enough and aren't pretty enough.

Lisa goes around to schools, Girl Scout groups and so forth to share her message and books.  She promotes the Dove website because of their Campaign for Real Beauty.  Check out the Evolution video here.  It's pretty crazy what the truth is about how much hair, makeup and Photoshop goes into making someone ready for print.

Lisa does a lot of discussing with her children and has taught them a lot about appropriate dress for their age. After they went to Toys R Us one year so her kids could make Christmas lists, her daughter cried realizing none of the dolls were appropriate.  They walked up and down the aisle and they all had cleavage, fishnet stockings, stilettos or midriffs showing.  She was shocked and frustrated and so she launched a doll line to go along with the books.

I appreciated what I learned and wanted to pass the info along in case anyone else out there is looking for resources for teaching young girls good character.  Do you know of any good resources?  How do or did you teach your daughters about inner beauty?

feelings about the past week

negatives:
-sinus infections are NOT. FUN. i have never in my life had such a headache or seen so much green snot. after a week and half of what i thought was the flu, i was able to get some antibiotics to punch this
infection in the face.

-allowing my child to watch entirely too much tv while laying on the couch and praying for relief. the girl who never sits still, will immediately sit on her bottom and watch the entire episode of "Calliou" without moving. not my finest week of parenting, that's for sure.

-the in-between weather that's been happening lately.  once the last bit of snow melts, i am ready for summer and i feel like it's taking forever to be warm again. 80 degrees, please hurry up....


positives:
-feeling thankful for peyton's grandparents:) they allow me to indulge in a little "me" time every once and a while. in this case, it was going to the doctor two times in one week, but i was alone, so that counts as "me" time, right? ALL of p's grandparents are always very willing to take her off our hands and we are so thankful!
-spending time outside and enjoying our football field of a backyard.

-watching a little girl fall in love with the outdoors. she's always asking to play outside and many times will cry when she has to come in. her favorite activity? following after birds, finding little rocks to sort and watching all the neighborhood dogs. i can't get enough.

-the first big rainstorm of the season. my husband was beside himself excited. while the rest of central iowa was hovering in their basements during the tornado warning, he was standing outside, looking around with a giddy smile on his face. he's got a thang for weather and i love that about him.

-i love logging into our bank account and seeing a much larger sum of money than there was yesterday. tax returns are wonderful:)

it's been a roller coaster of a week and i'm feeling happy about life. who's with me?

Reflections on the anniversary of becoming a mother...

Today is my son's first birthday and all I'm really thinking about is Judah.  I keep thinking about how blessed we are and how thankful I am to have a wonderful baby and husband.  I am thinking about what I was doing at this time 365 days ago...

Has it really been a year?  

I am such a different person than I was then.  Or really, maybe I just perceive myself differently now.  I have realized I am capable of much more love and patience than I ever thought I was.  At times, I remember being afraid to be a mom.  I thought I would only ever be able to handle 2 children until I had Judah.  He's made me realize how great a gift children are and that the Lord's grace sustains me.

Judah's life has helped me see how much God loves me.  How much He gives to me over and over.  There are times when Judah misbehaves and I have to get stern with him and then not two seconds later I scoop him up in my arms and kiss him all over. I don't even remember what it is that frustrated me just before that sweet moment. That's the kind of love Jesus has for me.  I get that more now.

I understand the yearning God must have for me.  How He sits and waits to talk to me all day long (and does many days) if He has to. How He forgives me completely with each mistake. I understand the love that never leaves, not fully, but I have a greater picture now.

I am so very blessed to have had 365 days to catch more of a glimpse of the infinite love God has for His children. My days are not perfect, but His blessings are.  Through Judah, I have learned so much and my heart has been filled to a greater capacity than I ever thought possible.

Happy Birthday, Judah!  You are God's blessings in the flesh.

no ever tells you being a mom is confusing...

there are many things that i have yet to understand about my child...over the past few days i have found myself making a mental list of the things that confuse me the most. i will give you the short list,as the long one seems to grow by the hour. here goes:

Confusion #5: Why would you want to sit in your own poo longer than you have to?? as of lately, diaper changes have become a struggle. and i mean this very literally. like, it takes both my hands, feet and elbows to keep her and her stinky bottom from squirming away. i have to make every kind of animal noise imaginable or sing a ridiculous song to keep her from remembering the reason why she's laying on the floor. i can't wait for the days when diapers are a distant memory.

Confusion #4: Why beg to go outside when it's 20 degrees and raining? i consider myself more of an "indoor" type of gal, but peyton has taken an interest in being outside (like her daddy...go figure, everything else is just like him). so she will find her hat, put it on all lopsided and crooked and stand by the door rubbing her belly (which is her way of signing "please"...hey, at least she's polite!). yes, i think it's adorable, but after the 47th time of saying "no, peyton....it's too cold to play outside today", i start to wonder what is so enticing about playing in freezing rain anyway?

Confusion #3: I don't understand the urge to climb EVERYTHING. she literally, climbs on the corner of the couch/chair, stands at the very edge and then will DIVE in one direction or another. most of the time she lands on a cushion, but it's a rare day where i don't hear a head conking on something.

Confusion #2: Why didn't God give me a snuggle baby????? the girl is a product of two snugglers. why, oh why will she not lay still long enough? it drives brandon and i crazy.....we're going to try to train our next baby (whenever that may be) to be a snuggle baby:) peyton has been on the go since day one.

Confusion #1: When you're sick, wouldn't you want MORE sleep?? oh no. not this munchkin. over the past few months, she has had her share of colds and fevers (in fact, she has been sick most of the week) and i have come to sadly realize, that in peyton's mind, feeling sick equals sleeping less. i tell myself every excuse under the sun (her schedule is off, she's teething, she can't breathe very well....) and all i want to do is rock her, pat her back and snuggle her. see confusion #2. no dice. on top of less sleep, she is more needy and whiny and i'm ready to call in a babysitter by 9 am. anybody know of any? oh wait...i AM the baby sitter:)

these quirks have grown on me and though i may question my parenting on a daily basis and frantically search for my sanity every 30 minutes, i adore my little girl. she is my heart beating outside of my body and i will happily live in confusion each day, as long as it's with my sweet Peyton girl.

where has the time gone?

my baby is turning into a preteen right before my eyes. i generally have a hard time grasping that she is getting older and won't stay my tiny, sweet shoosh forever.

so little. 3 months old.

during her first year, i would watch the calendar days and track every month. i would do a mini celebration on the 19th of every month and would make a point to remind brandon that "today is peyton's five month birthday!"...sigh....these days, the 19th comes and goes, and i find myself needing to calculate how old she is every so often. you know, so in case another old lady in the grocery store asks, i won't have to think so hard:)

brandon and i watch the show, "Parenthood" (tuesdays at 9pm on NBC) and it seems after every episode, we find ourselves thanking God that we still have a good decade (plus) before teenage angst enters our home. unfortunately, i fear that this day may be arriving sooner than we think.

let's discuss.

peyton has LOVED cell phones since she could pick one up in her own little, pudgy hands. i can forsee many arguments down the road about using waaaay too many minutes and "why can't i just have unlimited text like all my friends do???" yeeesh...

she has a thing about going into her room and then slamming the door in my face. true, at this point in time, this is a game. but i have a feeling there will be no smiles and giggles later on in life. (this could be after we confiscate her cell phone for going over the allotted minutes. sorry, peyton....it will teach you responsibility:))

miss P is already waving at boys. she also knows how to blow kisses....not a good combo. slightly flirtatious, no?

the proof is in the pudding. here are some prime examples to demonstrate my worries:

exhibit A- already asserting her individualism...and creativity?

exhibit B-the bracelets? uhg. let's wait a few years.

"like, talk to the hand..."

and lastly....

(disclaimer: before anyone calls DHS, please note that this was not open and we were in the middle of packing and moving out of our old place, so the box had found it's way to the floor. and anything on the floor is fair game to her:) i think i walked out of the kitchen for a minute and came back to this little stinker. we think she is too smart for her own good:))

who am i kidding? she's a great kid. i couldn't have asked for a better one. and she cute too:)

all you varsity moms out there, feel free to assure me that these behaviors are normal...because, 16 months later, sometimes i feel like i have no idea what i am doing. any other moms feel this way??? please share!

When life gives you meatballs, drink toilet water?

Sunday mornings can be somewhat hectic around here.  My husband plays on the worship team for church about every other week, so I am left to get our son ready for church all by my lonesome.  If you see me at church you can always count on the fact that I haven't washed my hair those mornings in an effort to get us out the door faster;)

Well, a few Sundays ago, we were rushing in a particularly scurried manner.  Jude needed a diaper change before we left, so I quickly put him down on the changing table and attempted to get the dirty job done.

As an important side-note: we recently started solids with him, so his "number 2's" have been a lot more firm.  Lovely, eh?

I took off the diaper in haste, thinking it was just pee-filled, when out came a wandering turd.  It was perfectly round and very large.  Since I had moved the diaper so quickly, my motion propelled the "meatball" out of the diaper and onto the changing table.  It quickly rolled across the table and back towards my baby's bottom (I guess it wanted to go back where it came from) like a soldier crawling to safety.  And landed right on his church clothes, only to leave a nice little skid-mark.

After staring at it in amazement, wondering how something so large, round and food-like (!) came out of my tiny son's bottom, I picked it up with the cloth diaper he was wearing and attempted to toss it in the toilet. On this particular morning, the "meatball" rolled right off the diaper (isn’t it obvious it was formed with an amazing ability to roll?) and fell into the toilet.  Success!  Oops, only except for the splash right afterward.  Care to guess what happened?  Water jumped out of the toilet and landed right on my upper lip.

Who doesn’t love fresh poo-water on their mouth in the morning?  I know I do, especially right before church.

To my pastor: "You don’t even want to know what organisms are living on my face this morning.”

To my husband: “Trust me Jared, you DO NOT want to kiss me this morning.”

Like I said before, I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to wash my face.  So in the end, the hand sanitizer had to suffice.  It works for everything- trust me!  Seriously though, have you ever tasted that stuff?? 

The whole way to church I thought of the song On Top of Spaghetti and how closely I could relate to the “I lost my poor meatball” part, except my kid didn’t sneeze, he pooped.  I could just picture his “meatball” rolling right out the door;)

So there’s a little look into my everyday life.  It’s fun, exciting and sometimes dirty.  But someone’s gotta do it and in this case, it’s me.  Thankfully I'm not alone and am blessed with ample amounts of help from my handsome husband Jared and the Ultimate Helper. Despite those sometimes messy moments, I wouldn’t trade my "dirty" job for the world.  

I hope that through this blog you can get to know me better and that my reality can bring a dose of laughter or encouragement to your life.  I am big on transparency and that’s how I will be here.  I am not perfect, my life’s not perfect and my husband and baby aren’t perfect but we have a lot of joy to share and hope you will come along on the ride with us.