Reflections on the anniversary of becoming a mother...
Today is my son's first birthday and all I'm really thinking about is Judah. I keep thinking about how blessed we are and how thankful I am to have a wonderful baby and husband. I am thinking about what I was doing at this time 365 days ago...
Has it really been a year?
I am such a different person than I was then. Or really, maybe I just perceive myself differently now. I have realized I am capable of much more love and patience than I ever thought I was. At times, I remember being afraid to be a mom. I thought I would only ever be able to handle 2 children until I had Judah. He's made me realize how great a gift children are and that the Lord's grace sustains me.
Judah's life has helped me see how much God loves me. How much He gives to me over and over. There are times when Judah misbehaves and I have to get stern with him and then not two seconds later I scoop him up in my arms and kiss him all over. I don't even remember what it is that frustrated me just before that sweet moment. That's the kind of love Jesus has for me. I get that more now.
I understand the yearning God must have for me. How He sits and waits to talk to me all day long (and does many days) if He has to. How He forgives me completely with each mistake. I understand the love that never leaves, not fully, but I have a greater picture now.
I am so very blessed to have had 365 days to catch more of a glimpse of the infinite love God has for His children. My days are not perfect, but His blessings are. Through Judah, I have learned so much and my heart has been filled to a greater capacity than I ever thought possible.
Happy Birthday, Judah! You are God's blessings in the flesh.